I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.