Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
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I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.