Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
