Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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