He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just found puke in my bra..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
