I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
