C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
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Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize