erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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