next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
