my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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