Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
