It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He has the fingertips of a God
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