ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
