Cold hands, warm shart.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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