With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
