I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
