Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
