We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
