I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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