I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
