you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
