I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
