I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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