I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
