That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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