You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hate all girls vehemently.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
