my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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