if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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