oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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