Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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