so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
