sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Im part way to drunk.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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