Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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