ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
