the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
