I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
