hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
false alarm, still single
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
