went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
