I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
