I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
