May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
