that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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