yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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