the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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