They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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