Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I want a musical about memes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
