People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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