Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
