Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
