Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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