I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
