I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
