we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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