I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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