i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
