i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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